Most of you know my family has been uprooted since Prop HATE happened. My Mom and I have talked on 2 occasions for less than 5 mins total time and those occasions were Christmas and my birthday or as my Mom said in my voicemail "it's your 25th birthday if I'm not mistaken?!"... yeah.
So, I've been thinking about Mother's Day... what I'm going to do or not do, still up in the air about all that... I really want to write her a letter or a book rather... but I just don't think it will help anything. I mean, I guess if I tried to pour my heart out (cause that's what I do naturally) it could give her the chance to respond on her own time, but I'm sure she'll be influenced by Russ or her Church cause she can't seem to think for herself these days... or so this is how it seems to me. I'm just not sure how I'm going to go about this issue. I will definitely pray about it because God answers my prayers just like he does for "straight people". I guess my only saving grace is that I will remain true to myself and stay optimistic. I'm trying internally to fight this little war going on to be honest, I'm sure I'll find my way. How's that for being optimistic?
Not to mention the part of me that is still angry and slightly selfish. I mean, how many people can say they've had more bad times then they have had good with their Mother? I can and do I want to welcome this back into my life or how do I avoid it in a nice way? I suppose it's slightly hypocritical of me to not want her and Russ in my life because I choose not to support the way her treats her and she chooses not to support my relationship as a whole, who the heck knows, but this is how I'm feeling today...
She emailed Kerrie today to see if she could spend time with her Granddaughter so it sorta just surfaced these feelings, sorry for the rant, but I really do feel much better. A little weight has been lifted and hopefully God will provide some gentle guidance, cause he's amazing.
On a lighter note ~ Nicole and I are possibly taking Duncan to the Snow for the first time tomorrow!! He gets to wear his booties! LOL
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